Bad words #%*!&

Bad words

I have had a complicated relationship with bad words. That’s what we were told to call them, right! As a child I grew up protected where bad words were not spoken in front of children or females, and I was both. If I stepped out around my vivacious Punjab, I found people to only express in loud roguish tones and generous sprinkle of interesting words. The words in Punjabi language seem cute but it’s still abuse. 

When I went to senior schools and colleges, and suddenly there was a bombardment of Fs, Bs and Ls. We got our biggest kick to say it loud whenever the song 🎵🎶Alice played. Boys would have great fun in telling double meaning jokes to girls. Initially I couldn’t understand them. Delhi university is the national potpourri of the language from north to south, east to west, you just need to open your mind or should I say loose your mind. They should charge money for the literally the best course on the dark arts of abusing. Or should I say National Institute to F epistemology as it’s quite fashionable art. If you don’t know the meaning or speak these then you are just a loser who needs to be called all these names. 

The choice was clear. I didn’t like to hear these words so you don’t call me and I don’t call you. 

Thankfully there was another social practice which exempted good girls from saying it. I got away or tolerated enough even though I was surrounded by jerks and it was always on the tip of my tongue. Corporates discouraged such usage but in closed doors, male groups and smoking areas this was a common practice. The vocabulary became more diverse as I moved the cities and my husband’s Tamilian heritage was added. In fact I realised that I am quite capable of saying these words when I don’t know their meaning. The impact was brilliant any any decent Tamilian would not want to mess with me. His ears will need Ganga snaan. 

Then came raising our child, who was picking up these words from her Danish kindergarten in a new language. We happily stayed oblivious to them until we were called to her school. Now in junior school with the language studies, she is learning 3 different ones and she is curious about the meaning of them. 

While kids learn the text book stuff in school, the environment teaches them the spoken language. It’s easy to brush off and say that it’s a bad word not to be used, or closing them off to any exposure and very selective Tv, films, music, park, social gatherings, and what not. She would hear from her circle of friends and some kids use it more freely. I was surprised when I was myself embroiled in it as Mother is the favorite person of interest when it comes to abuse. I am not sure if it’s patriarchy or matriarchy but it’s simply rude. Apparently you can’t abuse kids back as an adult. 

What do you do. I do try to explain my child the meaning of them in a broad way (there should be a dictionary for it, puffinbooks just a book idea) like the names of private parts, or simple meaning of F words. We still haven’t been able to explain the double entendres. We can hardly catch up with the evolving etymology of these words and it’s getting global. It’s a totally new subject and pace. 

Moreover whenever there is an intense moment like a fun ride on a roller coaster, the words just pop out of my mouth in my thrill and excitement. When my daughter hears it she gives me the same look I give her for bad behaviour. I apologise and accept humbly that we both are parenting each other in many ways. 

This brings me to the conclusion that kids learn for themselves, if you allow them to. Eventually you can’t stop as a language has a life of its own and people are %#*?!. All we can do is to help them not take things personally and choose kindness in a very rude world. 

As an author, I finally understand the emotions behind them but does it add to my writing. There are words that hold a certain emotional quality to them to express anger, jealousy, humor or sarcasm. They can help create diverse characters starting from funny 👺to plain evil 👹. But an author ✍🏼 needs to be cautious as these words also impact the emotions of people, and we write to heal not to scar. ❤️‍🩹

Ps I realise I can’t even speak it or write it as I am not comfortable. Also I don’t want to leave digital footprint for the internet algorithm to pick my writing up for such language.