Shallow…

Action or no action, perception is a powerful thought. How every action of ours is a perception for another. Despite all the over thinking and plans we are slaves of our spontaneous emotions. Is it possible never to react and just let things be. Isn’t that nirvana. 

The rickshaw stopped at the traffic lights. Probably the longest waiting moment in my life or its only in retrospect of this incident. It was evening yet sweltering heat of May, probably the worst month in the entire calendar and all over India. It’s criminally hot, how can we be inflicted with such painful heat and dryness. 

So here I am on my way to metro only tolerating the sultry heat. She stood there in a white and floroscent green saree. In the harsh sun, her dark skin glistened and the face had remnants of sweaty layer of make up. The blouse was short and one could feel the subtle invitation in the curves of her dark waist. Her left hand held the rickshaw side bar and the right palm was spread towards me, hinting business. My mind flickered with many thoughts while I tried to maintain continuous gait and avoid eye contact: 

I feel bad for them. I should give.

No why! 

Why don’t they get a job, she seems healthy.

Yes, right! 

I shouldn’t encourage begging. They shouldn’t beg.

The mental monologue continued and my body tilted followed by slight turning away of head. She got the message and promptly moved away. With that a sudden rush of guilt swept over me.

There is a reason she has to beg. She walked on to the neighbouring rickshaw and the person handed over some money. I wasn’t only mean, but also selfish and judgmental. The worst thing I did, was to look away. How shallow can I be. 

I fished out my wallet and took out a currency note of Rs 20. When I looked up she was nowhere to be seen. Probably feeling bad about the way I turned away from her. She must be used to this. 

May be she would be a bigger person than me to forget and forgive. Accepting that there are people like me who would never accept her or people like her completely. I am not sure what to think of this. Wondering, if I could ever be a better man?