Sinking not Swimming, Nalini Rajan

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Sinking, not swimming

Joint families are a social structure that have not been studied enough in the psychology world. I am myself from one and have enjoyed it and felt it’s exasperation. The labyrinth of relatives, emotional drama, generational histories,  grudges, feuds, rivalries, birth, deaths, calamities, rituals and of course the family politics. 

It’s no less than a big corporate with its maze of senior, junior and middle management, the conflicts of patriarchy and matriarchy, the question of favorite child, sibling or uncle, and of course the property matters. The author explains it so much better that I have to quote her here ‘Everybody talked about a joint family in ‘joint’ metaphor like a woven piece of cloth or a sheet of welded metal all holding together, whereas it was really like a bag of balls that kept bouncing off in different directions.’ 

Enjoy the big South Indian Brahmin joint family drama. I finished the book in 3 days flat and truly enjoyed it smart, cheeky, dysfunctional array of characters. You will find the usuals in your family, the crazy aunt who has random stories and opinions about everyone, the angry uncle who everyone is scared of, the wise uncle everyone gets advise from, the drunkard cousin, the cousin who marries outside caste or religion, the under achiever cousin, the bullies and the bullies, the childhood bantering leading to adult dynamics. Well it seems all rosy in present, as the author explains the perils of nostalgia ‘It just shows how dangerous nostalgia can be since it blurs the sharpness of harsh truths into something more acceptable.’ 

And some more pearls, which had to be shared with you dear reader - 

Vidya called my penchant got giving nicknames to entering a part of my ‘public school’ hangover 

Playing second fiddle to Siri was part of life, as natural as the Monsoon rains, and any other existence was as inconceivable as a life without rainfall. 

No one can bathe in the same river twice, Janaki! You can’t turn the clock back, so look to the future. - Cheenu 

Cursing the darkness and lighting the candle. You simply can’t make up your mind about anything, can you? - Cheenu 

Mankind is divisible into two great classes, Radha, hosts and guests. Now you know on which side of this divide we belong! - Cheenu

The truth of the matter is that mother liked successes more failures. - Meena

I find that whether you believe in a God or you don’t believe in a God, you’re suffering is the same. - Meena 

There was nothing to fill up the days that followed except the profound friend of losing a loved one- a brother, a husband and a father. These roles constituted the sum total of a family man’s life. 

Looking back, I think my life is divided into the distinct phases, which are pre- Preethi, Preethi and post-Preethi, and the translate as hopeless, hopeful and without hope.